Sanity

I say no not because I can
but because my anxiety speaks louder than my sanity

And it seems now that everything’s too late to be reversed

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The Man that Wasn’t a Myth

Seeing the news today
drags the dark cloud above my head and my heart
Today the people of the city are heartbroken
Some of us are crying
as it is painful to watch
someone who truly cares for his people
being sent to jail by people overruled by money, power, and ignorance
hiding under the name of religion

What has occurred to you is more than political,
it has become somewhat fundamental
To hundreds and thousands of souls who agreed that this man
has committed blasphemy,
how can you speak so strongly about your belief but
not being able to forgive even if the God or your God, or whoever you believe in
would always do so?

Most of the time, I wasn’t even in the city
but I hear stories
and I read stories
how you endlessly try to build a better life for people
how you listen to people’s needs
how tough you are to those not doing their jobs well
how you are allowed to carry the money you’re provided with but you chose not to
how you, want to make sure that even if you’re not the one ruling anymore,
the system will still work and the projects will be finished on time
how you, restored people’s faith and hope in politics

I don’t know how you do it
The way you and your family live your life
has shown me what being courageous mean
and to stay truthful no matter how many people are against you

You are the perfect living example of the saying “action speaks louder than words”
because all you’ve done for the city have won the hearts of the many
That even when you don’t have your victory for the second time,
only balloons and flowers come to your door
carrying endless thank you
becoming a symbol for both beauty and grief

People march behind you to give you strength
Sending prayers so that you can make your way through the storm
but I guess now He has another plan for you

I was taught in school that leaders should carry the voice of the people
and work on their behalf
– that leaders should be the servants
and to what we considered as an impossible extend…be clean
We thought of this as an impossible moral standard and a myth
Then there’s you

Dear Pak Ahok,
We believe that God has a better plan written for you
and He’s not leaving you alone
That when you come out from behind the bars,
you and our beloved country will become stronger

Sincerely,
A heartbroken Indonesian who salute you

Confidence

The one thing I never had
or at least
the one thing whose last encounter
I can’t even remember

I never knew how to keep my head up
When both my heart and head
think it’s better to look down

And when I know how to do it for a second
Everything sounds too good to be true
Every time, I felt stupid to believe that I am
at least good enough

Is it ever too late
to go back to the start?

As You Will

I’m a second to most
Or unnumbered almost

Words failed me
Way faster before action speaks

The line is so thin
between the reality
and the reality of my anxiety

For I can’t stay for long
nor my presence is much expected
for those I know,
please use me as You will
so that my existence and departure
will add value
for the brothers and sisters I never knew

Safe Place

I want to cry so loud that I forget what how laughter feels like
I want to laugh so happily that sorrow walks its way out
I want to scream and shout until my voice runs out
I want to forget
I want to embrace and be happy
I’m still searching for that safe place